Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
