Quick, to the slutcave!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
