I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
