Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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