Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I touched a dick in church today
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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