There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
