is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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