Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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