Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
