He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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