New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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