what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
