I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
