I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
