Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
