It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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