On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize