I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
