I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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