oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
