You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
