turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
