You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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