you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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