I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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