I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
