you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
