this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
