I wish i was in the wii world.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
