I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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