all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
