we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
