The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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