My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
