Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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