So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
