I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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