I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
