Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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