so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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