Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
