All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
