I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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