I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
