is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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