I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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