Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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