THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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