How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
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That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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