6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
