dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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