Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
