It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
