I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
