long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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