saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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