Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Still dying that you shit outside
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
