epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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