I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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