your parents love me but you hate me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
