So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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