Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
