I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I touched a dick in church today
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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