My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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