I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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