If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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