we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
