I hate your face
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
