I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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