I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
