I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
