It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
